Hello darkness, my old friend...

Dim, wet and cool. Darkness inky black, even as the sun rises. It breaks on a damp fall morning, which matches my mood. How could something that was a life dream go so wrong? But then that's life, eh? Reality, as they say, bites. And so where does one find encouragement or hope then? No optimism, no reason to think things will improve. Oh, a friend of mine always tells me that things will get better. The roller coaster I've been on continues to drop day by day into the black abyss, and for how long now has there been no sign of pulling out? Not even a leveling, much less an improvement. No, things do not always, by default or fiat, get better. Who said it had to? Where is that guarantee?? How do I make a claim against it since it's not holding up? And too, who cares? Oh, I know the pat answer to that too. The truth is that everyone else is too busy with their own concerns and difficulties that true caring is more rare than the rarest element.

The whole thing is so full of nitrogen

That you won't get to a flammable level. But prove it. I need an analysis. I'm trying to track who's responsible for that. He left. But I found someone else. Then in a telecon with the module people and someone from the module said that was in the ICD. Then Edwards comes on and says I did that analysis a year ago.

I'm sure it's good work. He sent it to me. I'm still a little concerned.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Ha ha ha...

Right.

Yeah.

To take on the...

Oh, I'll be interested in the outcome of that.

I just can't wait until it stabilizes...hahahaha...

It's a wild ride.

Why did anyone act surprised?

Oh, okay. You still need it on the upper stage.

That'd be a pretty good test...2013? So all those production facilities are just waiting?

Procedures? hahahaha

Ingratus

Our life is but a moment in infinite space.
Time come and passes, gone without a trace.
We will all lose, betting against time in its race.
Time is ahead, we can’t keep up the chase.
Time wins again and we must take last place.
Beaten before we start? Give up the pace?
You may give up, but with me that’s not the case.
Conceited Time marches before and carries the mace,
While I, strolling behind, enjoy Life’s sweet smiling face.

Going ever deeper...

Into the morass...

Life is like a vacuum cleaner

It's like deep, empty space. Life is like a black hole; it pulls from one, with the greatest force, all life, joy, energy...all light. It's as dark as a black hole, emitting no hint of radiance, seeming as tenebrous and lifeless as the dark of death. It gives nothing and takes everything. If you gather enough energy to generate a bit of hope and will, life drains it away with greater gravity than a singularity. No description of emptiness, nothingness, or dark can completely describe life; it surpasses all of that...and more. And while it pulls you in, it also brings you more and more boulders to bear, weighing you down so that hope of possible escape flees while you sink ever faster into the void...

A Poem

I looked across the green field and saw him,
Tall, lean with brown hair fluttering in the wind.
He stood silent, pensive, deep in his thought.
So strong his presence, no one dared intrude.

I longed for more knowledge, so on a whim,
I crossed as if I did not comprehend
His presence here meant solace he had sought.
I tried to seem as if caught in a brood.

Stealing a glance, his chiseled face was grim,
Fixed in a gaze that nothing could transcend.
Not in this world, but beyond, he was caught.
What thoughts behind the mask were locked in feud?

Eyes so blue that caught the light yet were dim
Seemed to see the wind and refused to bend
To its control. The man stood still yet fought
An unknown battle that did not conclude.

To learn more on a casual talk seemed slim.
So I decided this effort to end.
His small attempt at some peace seemed hard bought.
This world and its intrusions he eschewed.

I walked away slowly but could not free
My mind of the man who mystified me.

Chaos and Mayhem

Chaos cha⋅os  /ˈkeɪɒs/ [key-os]
–noun
1. a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2. any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.

Mayhem may⋅hem  /ˈmeɪhɛm, ˈmeɪəm/ [mey-hem, mey-uhm]
–noun
1. Law. the crime of willfully inflicting a bodily injury on another so as to make the victim less capable of self-defense or, under modern statutes, so as to cripple or mutilate the victim.
2. random or deliberate violence or damage.
3. a state of rowdy disorder: Antagonisms between the various factions at the meeting finally boiled over, and mayhem ensued.

Well, there's no actual crime going on, not a legal one. But certainly a moral one. Killing my soul. The longer I have to live in this world, the more I detest it. I can't wait to get out of it and get to a place where "they" can't get to me...because I don't expect many, if any, of them to be there.

Koo-rah

Koo-rah, koo-rah, koo-rah. It's another creen day. We will rise and splahr and quesh on this day. It's never out of fah to rake about the reet and to try to kresh the meet and go without a preat. We all know what it's like to rush around the way, and come and fall together all around the fray. It's all about the grane and no one knows that more than the one who arrives first and throws around his snore. It's never been so bray as always on this day. So rise up early now and don't get left aloof. We've got to loft our whens and get above the crowd. It's never too late to catch a lonely cow. So bring your socks along and don't get left behind. We're off right now to join, so dress on the way. We'll see you later on when all the krinks begin. And don't forget to start to open in the len.

Birth

Birth
B. L. Lindley Anderson

When Tsiolkovsky glanced on high
To consider his cradle of birth,
He knew then that he could not stay
And built a plan to rise from earth.

The End of the Story

I don't like being so self-satisfied. I know I risk being over bearing when I am.

Recall from Monday the tale of the sketch. I did print a copy of the sketch for Dr. Griffin, as he requested. Rather than getting it ready to mail, I decided to attempt a different approach. On Tuesday there was an all-hands meeting for MSFC employees with Dr. Griffin. I had known this was coming. So, I went to the meeting armed with the sketch, but not with hopes too high. I didn't expect the chance to approach him...but even if the chance was there, I had to try. The people running this were very strict about his time and asked people not to come down afterwards because Dr. Griffin had a luncheon speech and had to stay on schedule. Ah well...

But...a fellow went down anyway with a book for Dr. Griffin to sign; Dr. Griffin was the author. So I thought, what the heck, and down I went.

That's when I ran into the same public affairs lady that had given me a hard time about getting the STS-120 crew to sign one of my paintings. She was shaking her head and waving her hands at me. I told her I just wanted to hand this folder to Dr. Griffin. And that's when he turned to me. I introduced myself and he recalled. He accepted the folder and started showing the sketch to everyone. He was very pleased. Then there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned and a lady grabbed my hand and introduced herself as Dr. Griffin's wife. She said she was so pleased she had a chance to meet me. She loved the sketch, saying that it was next to impossible to get Mike to sit for photos. The two of them were just wonderful, very nice and gracious. So I pushed my luck and asked him if I sent him a copy of the sketch if he'd sign it for me. "Of course I will!"

This is the third run-in I've had with Ms. PR...and her eyes were shooting daggers. Who cares? Nothing can upset me today. :D As Steve said, "he's just a regular engineer like you and me."

Imagine that

Let me introduce you. This is Michael Griffin, current NASA administrator. I did the drawing, intrigued by the intense concentration in a photo of Dr. Griffin watching a launch. I hung up a copy at work and that was basically it. Until yesterday when a close friend, Steve, urged me to email it to Dr. Griffin. Well...I didn't know about that. It seemed bold and probably a breech of some special protocol on who could contact the administrator. Steve strongly urged me...and I decided to give it a go. I wondered what awaited me...being ignored, chastised... But I got a very nice note from the administrator and a request for a print...signed by me. Well, imagine that. We actually exchanged a couple of emails and he's quite pleasant, and amusing. I'm sure it is of little or no interest to anyone but myself, but I'm quite pleased...

ISS sighting

Last night my dearest friend, better half and I were found in the street before our house, standing and staring into the sky. The advantage of living on a quite unbusy street is the ability to do this without disrupting the flow of traffic. Then there was the cry, "There it is!"

"It" is the International Space Station. That technical wonder that circles above us, occupied for nearly upon ten years now, built by tedious labor of astronauts in hundreds of hours of EVAs made more difficult by the lack of gravity and air. That only makes it more amazing in what they have accomplished.

The ISS has grown more than most people imagine. So many have seen photos of it, but don't truly have the idea of just how big it truly is, particularly inside. At any rate, it is now big enough that it rivals the planet Venus in size and visible magnitude. I'm sure it likely has been ID'ed as a UFO as well.

Though I well understand the orbital mechanics at work, it still amazes me to look up and see the ISS appear just at the time predicted, to watch it gracefully sail over head and disappear rather suddenly as it passes the terminator into, what is for the ISS, night time. And the think that there are three space travelers--scientists--on this light racing across the sky, nearing the end of their six month stay. Have they really been up there so long, and I have seldom noted their passage? I see it on NASA TV and still am rather astounded to see ISS hurry away from my wondering eyes.

NASA maintains a web site listing ISS sitings for locations in the US. http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/realdata/sightings/cities/skywatch.cgi?country=United+States I recommend experiencing this at least one time. It never ceases to put my mind into consideration of place in universe and life, something that is more needed among all peoples at such a time as this.

Ah

I completed the first oil painting that I've done in several years. Quite happy with the way it turned out. It was good fun and as relaxing as I recall. I did need to start with something loose, not detailed--to get back into the feel of it all, handling the brushes and the paint. It is like riding a bike. Well, not quite. It's more than just throwing paint on the canvas... There are more control issues than with riding a bike. At any rate, it was good to be back in the paint. Many ideas spring to mind for other paintings. I can't wait.

Sunrise on Mars

Color it red. And imagine rolling over to turn off the alarm, grumbling at it all the while. Stumble to the kitchen and inhale the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee with a promise of return to life. Pour a cup, careful not to spill while stifling a yawn. Ah...hot and black, just what's needed to get going on an early morn, start of a day certain to be very busy. And what's the weather like outside? Stroll over to the window for a glimpse of the thermometer. Open the light shield...and the Martian sunrise greets you. In spite of the early grumpiness, a smile creeps up the corners of the lips. It's not just another ordinary day. No, this is a day of continued exploration of a temporary home, a new and fascinating world full of secrets to be mined. Martian sunrise.

Monday morning

It's human nature to dread Monday morning, and to moan that the weekend went by too quickly. At least it is for those who work Monday through Friday. Those of us don't see that Monday is a day off for many other people. So we stand ready to condemn a day that some people long for as much as we long for Friday. That is human nature. We think of self first, and note I did say "we" because I recognize it in myself as well. I do not claim to be without fault. Being in contact more these days with people who do not have the regimented work schedule that I do does make me stop and think about this more. I think we all need an attitude adjustment from time to time. And I don't mean that in the sadistic sense of the term either. I simple mean that we all could do with a change of point of view. And not just on work schedule. If you really want to live by the Golden Rule, which I hope most people do want, then we should endeavour to see others through their own eyes rather than ours. And we need to recall that we do not know what is going on in others' lives or minds or hearts before we judge them or run them under because we view they have wronged us. Me too. I've had my attitude changed for me by situations and circumstances I never expected nor asked for, and the result of some of these have truly impacted my life deeply. I hope I never see the world in the same way. I hope the lessons I have learned stick with me every day, and indeed are refreshed by other encounters so that I never forget.

Irony can be pretty ironic

I have to return to the subject of yesterday's rant. After I expressed some frustration with my work situation, I attended the morning staff meeting. The branch chief had an award to present. Used to rarely receiving such, because I am not of the chosen, I barely took interest. That's when he announced that the award was...for me. Color me surprised...whatever color that is.

And this does have a more direct relation to yesterday's rant. One of my frustrations is that I am getting contradictory direction from my branch chief, who is my supervisor, and the task lead, who thinks he is my supervisor. One of those contrary instructions was covering the system safety task on the vibration test for Ares I. Branch chief assigned it to me and told me to continue to follow up. Task lead, who can be a major pain, tells me not to do it. And it was for this task that I received the award...for "outstanding support" of the task. Not a group thing either. This was one I truly earned myself. With a lot of help and guidance through prayer. Of course these things are decided by the branch chief, and he'd already complimented me on my performance. This leaves CT, the task lead, with frustrated anger that he's been overruled and that good, the task, and reward came of it.

I'm happy and pleased with the award. I relish a bit of recognition, I confess it. So I'm trying to keep my focus there. However, it also leaves me very confused and frustrated to be in the middle of a still unresolved conflict with those who toy with me as if a doll...

I just want to do my job

So you'd think that management would be quite happy and content with an employee who just wants to get the job done and, essentially, be left alone to do it. A bit of peace and reasonable requests and, as I've been told so many times, once I apprehend what is required I do the job quickly and well. So why is it so difficult then to apprehend, or to even find sanity in the workplace at this moment? Why, when one has sought direction and not gotten it, does the task leader get his drawers in a wad when direction is sought above him? Oh, I know...he thinks that makes him look bad. However, if he'd been doing his job then it would not have been necessary to seek further direction. Makes sense to me. After all, when one finds not enough time to get the job done and the task leader is a brick wall, what is one to do?

After a meeting with the task lead, I was left with a schedule of 26 hours of meetings, overlapping meetings. Do the math. That leaves 14 hours to do actual work; not even two full work days. And yet task leader seemed content to leave the situation this way. Then along comes contractor support and drops a new task at my feet, including 40+ hours of meetings this week, on top of what I already do. Is there any wonder that I sought help from above? How does one figure out how or what to do when everyone needs 3/4 of your time simultaneously and your #1 task isn't getting done...has not been touched in over a month.

My manager was happy that I came to him for advice and guidance. However, he's distance and not very available. Task leader sits two offices away, close enough to glare his deadly glance at every chance and plot revenge. No, not all task leaders are that way. I have had some who were quite reasonable. But this one is full of himself and on his way up, so he thinks. Therefore any mark that has even a hint of darkness to it is anathema to him. Well, less than 5 years to retirement...

I really don't like using the blog for this, but it's either vent some of the frustration, or let it out at an inappropriate time or an inappropriate way. Thank you, blog, for listening

Happy Birthday NASA

What an occasion...to celebrate a milestone anniversary of an agency that has done great and amazing things. What is the right thing to say to recognize NASA and the fruits of its labor? Many words have already been spoken by those wiser than I. So I won't try to be clever or profound. I'll just think over my memories of NASA, which date from very early in my life and are responsible for the fact that I now work for this great organization. How far NASA has led us, from a simple sub-orbital flight to the surface of the moon and beyond. Even where people can't currently travel, NASA still sends robots, and peers into the depths of the universe. And it's not only the places they've gone and the things they've seen, though those are unspeakable achievements on their own, it's also what NASA has accomplished on this planet, for let us not disremember the many technologies that pervade our lives which NASA helped distribute from their halls to ours.

But, to take the view of NASA's current administrator, Michael Griffin, there are many ways to justify NASA's existence and programs. However, at the heart of it all is the basic human desire to explore and to know. This NASA has accomplished as the acme.

And so, to be succinct and, above all, not to become maudlin, I end this post with an enormous salute to all the men and women who led the way, and now keep that path open, to the stars.

The news isn't good...

Hubble stopped transmitting science data on Saturday night. The control unit/science data formatter was to safe the payload computer after errors were detected within the data formatter. Resetting the formatter and trying to obtain a dump of the computer memory were both unsuccessful. It's not entirely catastrophic. This happened on side A, and there is a redundant side B. All the data modules will have to be transitioned to side B first before a final pronouncement can be made on Hubble's health.

A consequence of this is delay of the Hubble servicing mission, which apparently Hubble needs. Initially Hubble's state and health must be determined before the mission can be rescheduled. And there is the hope that if transitioning to side B fails, a back-up replacement system could be taken on the servicing mission for installation.

A full and complete demonstration of the need for humans in space as repair personnel as long as we are flying such telescopes. It will also be yet another attestation of the ability of humans to work successfully in space. A moment of "oh no" will be righted to "oh yeah!" by the crew of STS-125 in 2009. Long live Hubble.

A new week

I began again on Saturday.

It was wonderful. Frustrating too, I must admit. It has been a few years after all. And all thoughts of jumping in with both feet and being at home immediately faded rather quickly.

Okay, okay. Too mysterious. Oil painting. It was the first medium I used when I began art lessons and was my favorite. I eschewed all other media, except pen and pencil, for the wonderful oils. It was much easier when I was taking lessons and I only had to show up with my bin of oils and supplies. When the art lessons shut down, still a group of us met to paint and it was a bit more tedious to drag along that big easel and all the other necessities. Still it was good and fun and relaxing. Then interest died off and we began painting at home. That takes a bigger commitment and more patience. And room to set everything up and leave it set up. Either that or the constant moving and storage of easel and wet canvas. And so, sadly but realistically, I turned from oil and began working in other media, particularly pastels and color pencils. While these present their own satisfaction, it is not the same as painting.

It has been about five years, or so. But I went out this past weekend and supplied myself with fresh paints and brushes and cleaner, etc. And I sat down Saturday night...to paint. Ahhh...the pungent scent of the paints brought back a rush of memories, of fun and creative rushes and satisfaction of a picture finished. I could hardly wait! And I had myself fooled into thinking it would be like picking the brush up the day after I'd completed my last oil.

I was disabused of that idea immediately. Before I put brush to canvas, I had to re-learn paint mixing. Oh no, this was not going to be so simple as I'd mis-led myself to think! But that's okay though. It was very much like the beginning lessons in oils.

And I enjoyed it so very much. It was great to have my hands in paint and the aromas of linseed and oils in my nostrils again. That helped relieve the frustrations. Soon I was slinging paint on the canvas and happily forming the sky and horizon line.

I'm happy and grateful for the inspiration that "NASA/Art: 50 Years of Exploration" provided which moved me back into this medium once more. I'll never be a part of the NASA art program, but I enjoy still all of the paintings that NASA's achievements have moved me to create. And I look forward to many new worlds to engrave in the paint.

Wonderfully Stunning

What an image. As one of my good friends says, it doesn't look real. Saturn and its lovely rings seen from above, image taken by the Cassini satellite. Oh, Cassini? Well, he was a mathematician and astronomer born in the 17th century. You can read about him. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giovanni_Domenico_Cassini

And you can read so much more about the Cassini satellite and its mission and enjoy a ton of other amazing photos.

http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/cassini/whycassini/index.html

http://www.nasaimages.org/

This web site is a new addition to the internet. To quote the "about" page...

NASA Images is a service of Internet Archive ( www.archive.org ), a non-profit library, to offer public access to NASA's images, videos and audio collections. NASA Images is constantly growing with the addition of current media from NASA as well as newly digitized media from the archives of the NASA Centers.

This is a great service. NASA has produced miles of film and video footage, photos galore and enough audio to fill many, many iPods. The biggest problem in making it available to the public is manpower. If you think it's hard for NASA to get money to keep the shuttle flying, just consider how they might be able to fund all those unnecessary things, such as staff to establish a web accessible archive. However, now with Internet Archive on the job, this rich melange of NASA history and universal beauty is very accessible. It's easily searched and simple to navigate. You can create a workspace to play in before you make decisions on downloading. For the professional and the amateur, it's a delight and something past due.

So...go, play, enjoy. After all, you helped pay for it. It belongs to you too.

The Davidson Center for Space Exploration

It's an amazing place to visit...one of the few places where one can see actual flight hardware of the Apollo era. The last three flights of the Apollo program were cancelled due to funding cuts. One of the Saturn V launch vehicles from this tragic move on the part of Congress has rested in Huntsville, AL for very many years. Alas, it was left out in the weather to corrode and erode. Until last year that is. That is when the Davidson Center was completed and the Saturn V moved inside in the Rocket Roll. This tribute to our history and technology is now on display in wonderfully restored condition for all to enjoy. It would have been beyond words to allow it to continue to disintegrate.

Standing underneath this behemoth is humbling and awe inspiring. Lifting this baby off the pad was like launching a building. Recall how slowly the thing crawls away from the pad on launch. But it had to generate the power to go a quarter million miles to the moon.

Don't miss the equally incredible mural in the lobby of the Davidson Center. A close up and intimate view of the business end of Saturn V at launch, done masterfully by Paul Calle.

"Power" by Paul Calle. I would like to add the dimensions of the masterpiece, as reproduced, but honestly, I can't recall it, so taken was I by the effect and the artwork. But it's probably a good 20-25 feet wide. A Saturn V of the art world.

There's so much more to see at the space museum, and don't forget Space Camp. But as the newest addition, and the most amazing one, the Davidson Center owned my interest (for days after) and is well worth the visit.

Being a morning person

Being a morning person has a great number of advantages--no matter what my spouse and friends mutter under their breath. But exploring all of them is not in my mind this morning. I have one in particular that I feel like wandering into. When I get to work in the morning, it is quite dark. The NASA center where I work is located on an army reservation. Therefore it is far removed from the city light pollution, and it is the best place in this area to see the sky, and actually see the sky, discounting leaving the city limits by some number of miles. I enjoyed the show this morning, which began with the last quarter moon overhead smiling down on me. Luna was perched just north of Orion, sitting above his right shoulder. Yet another sign that fall has arrived, the appearance of Orion moving into the night sky and Leo moving out. Orion must be one of the most recognizable constellations. So many of my friends know it and Ursa Major...and that's about it. But Orion is a fun one to know. His belt and Betelgeuse make him interesting to watch...and that little haze of the Orion Nebula on his sword.

The recommended time for meteor sighting is quite late into the night, late enough that those who do have to rise for work won't bother. The wee hours of the morning, say about 4 am, reveal some few stragglers as well, particularly in a very dark sky.

Let us not forget the incredible sunrises one is treated to also. Red sky at morning... Well, I have seen the sky burn with the deepest red, fading into rich oranges or pinks and purples as the fire burns into the embers of morning. People come dragging into work or fully awake but oblivious to the world. So few realize the conflagration that blazed on the hill to the east an hour or more before they were even out of bed. The intensity of the show was so brilliant. You can hear the crackle of the fire. How did they sleep through it??

So the fireworks of the early morning sky are one of the reasons why I relish being a morning person. The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament showeth His handiwork...Psalm 19:1.

Twin shuttles

An historic moment Saturday morning. For only the second time in the shuttle program, two shuttles sit on pads A&B simultaneously. Atlantis is on pad A in the foreground and Endeavour is on pad B in the background. Atlantis will be launching 12 October for the final Hubble servicing mission. Hubble is in a different orbital plane than the International Space Station. Hubble is about 27 degrees inclination and ISS is abut 57 degrees. Changing orbital plane is not as simple as changing altitude. It costs a great deal of energy, read fuel, to make such a change. So in the unlikely event that Atlantis might have to seek safe harbor before a landing, going to ISS is out of the picture. Therefore Endeavour has been set up as a rescue vehicle. If needed, it could launch and pick up Atlantis' crew and Atlantis could be brought down by remote control. All that would be very cool, but not what we want to see happen. This is the reason for the double shuttle lineup. A wonderfully cool photo it makes, and something we are a lot less likely to see again this late in the shuttle's career. That is part of what makes it so historic. As neat as it would be to have two shuttles in orbit at the same time, I find it highly unlikely, and not what I really want to see. Go Atlantis go. Endeavour, you'll have your chance later on down the mission list.

Sidebar, 21 Sept was my 27th anniversary with NASA.

Return

He drew in a deep breath. Not just an ordinary breath. The scrubbed and carefully mixed air flowed down into the very depths of the alveoli of his lower lungs, and in fact seemed to flow all the way to the tips of his toes, although he knew that his heightened emotional state caused that sensation rather than the true function of his body.

He sensed those behind him were becoming impatient and yet he would not be hurried. This was too momentous to be rushed and this man was going to savor every millisecond; this would not occur in his career again, though he hoped the equivalent, millions of miles away, would happen in his lifetime. He let the deep breath out slowly, as slowly as possible, one molecule at a time he imagined as he laughed at himself for his over active imagination, fired by what he was about to do.

And then he released the latching mechanism and gently pushed the hatch open. Despite himself, he drew in a quick breath and quickly rebuked himself for it. He had a reliable and controlled air supply he told himself. Stop letting your feelings carry you away! You have to keep your wits about you...or you might really mess this up, or hurt someone.

Slowly he exited and caught his breath as the vista grabbed his complete attention. The landscape was incredibly beautiful, more than he'd imagined even though he'd poured over and over photos. Totally dead and yet so alive with exquisite detail, gleaming in the unfiltered sunlight. And the sky, not black as he imagined. It was quite dark, of course, but not a color he'd call black. That seemed so flat compared to what his eyes beheld.

Forcing himself to be slow, rather than hurrying as his nagging feelings told him, he stepped carefully out on the ladder and began his descent, planting a foot securely on each rung to be certain he didn't take a tumble. No, that would never do, to fall down the ladder with so many millions of people watching. Besides, it gave him a chance to study the gently rolling hills in the near distance.

Finally he stopped at the bottom and involuntarily drew in one more breath before he stepped off. What would he say? He'd thought it through hundreds of times during his training, but compelled himself not to prepare anything in advance. All the phrases he carefully crafted sounded so dull and trite, no matter how clever and erudite he tried to be. No, he was going to ad lib the words as his foot brushed the soft grey surface.

He planted a foot on the moon for the first time in over 50 years and quietly sighed, "We have returned."

Wow...

Just wow. Speechless. I received my copy yesterday of NASA/Art: 50 Years of Exploration. An amazing book overflowing with enough creative energy to propel us back to the moon. I don't have the words to fully describe the book or all that it represents. I've already run out of adjectives from studying the unbelievable art between those covers. One must experience it for oneself to find the full appreciation of the talent, both artistic and scientific represented, which the NASA art program has dared to try to contain. The only thing more I can say is to buy it for yourself and take a slow and relaxed trip through the pages, being certain to note the media and size of these gems. I'm astounded thinking of the hours that must have gone into covering a 120" x 50" canvas, with great detail mind you, and the minutiae and depth of feeling which could be captured by sometimes gross media. These masters make this very rank amateur feel quite meek...

View from the inside

"You don't really work for NASA, do you?"

"Yes, in fact, I do."

"No. You don't."

"Really, I do. Why do you think I would lie about it?"

"You just don't look like the type..."

"Look, here's my business card. My name, title...aerospace engineer...NASA logo."

"Aerospace engineer? I thought you guys were rocket scientists."

"Well, I know that's the popular term for it, but there's no one subject or area or work that is 'rocket science.' It's a combination of engineering and math and..."

"Whatever. So what do you do?"

"I'm a systems safety engineer."

"I thought you were an aerospace engineer."

"I am. One is my title and the other is my training."

"You trained to be an aerospace engineer and so they made you a safety engineer?"

"It's an area of specialty. Like a medical doctor who specializes in, say, surgery. He's a doctor but he's also a surgeon."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. But what do you do?"

"I do safety analysis for the new launch vehicle that will take us back to the moon."

"Oh that. But we've been to the moon. Why not just go on to Mars?"

"Well, there's more than one reason, but a good reason is that it's a long trip to Mars. Astronauts need to practice in living away from earth and in a weightless or low gravity environment for long periods of time. And they need to learn to deal with contingencies without being able to just run back to earth in a few days."

"What have they been doing on that space station all these years?"

"Living and working in space. It's true they've had practice with that, but they still have been relying a great deal on the ground. Supply ships have to go up periodically for example."

"I thought they were supposed to grow their own food."

"Well, the space station is not quite big enough to accommodate that sort of set up." Pause. "Have you ever seen television from up there?"

"Yeah, it is kinda small. Why is that?"

"Because they can only take up modules that fit in the space shuttle and they have to join them. It's actually much bigger than it may seem because of all the modules that have been added."

"So...why don't they grow their own food?"

"Well...that isn't one of the objectives."

"Why not?"

"Because the station has to do science that justifies its existence or else a lot of scientists and politicians on the ground talk about how useless it is. It was meant to be a science platform and a place to learn how to really live in space. But then some scientists said it was not needed or useful and testified to Congress about that. So now the station has to satisfy the planners, scientists inside and outside NASA and the politicians."

"Yeah...well... Why don't they go to the moon in the shuttle?"

"The shuttle doesn't have the power to go all they way to the moon."

"Why don't just add an engine or two to it?"

"Because you can't just hang them on the side. And there's the fuel and oxidizer for them. The shuttle is at it's maximum payload carrying capability."

"Just redesign it then! That would be better than going back to regular rockets."

"A redesign would be very expensive and take a long time to design and build. There have been many design studies for a follow-on to the shuttle program. Using existing and proven technology will get us back to the moon quicker and cost less. It may not be the sexiest vehicle, but faster and cost less. It's a good idea."

"You must work for NASA. All those NASA people say the same thing. I know there are other ideas from people who don't work for NASA. I read about them. NASA just wants to control it all. It should be given to private companies."

"If you think a private company would go through the expense and time we just went through on the preliminary safety review that we just did on Ares..."

"They would. They want to be safe."

"As the safety and inspection records for airliners, and cars with their innumerable recalls, demonstrates."

"What about Challenger and Columbia?"

"Full and open investigations were conducted showing all of NASA's warts along with what we did right."

"And airline crashes are fully investigated."

"By the companies? Who is the NTSB connected with?"

"You just want to defend NASA."

"Yes, you're right." Pause. "And where do you work?"

"Oh, I'm a paralegal."

Gee...

I realized this morning that 21 Sept will be my 27th anniversary with NASA. Talk about a long and winding road... Even though I've written of frustrations and discontent, I guess I really wouldn't choose something different even if I could. There have been good times too, and besides, I have no idea what I'd be stepping into if I could change things. I could be heading into something worse.

And so I'll pick back up the celebration of NASA's 50th, which is truly official on 1 Oct. I'll try to embrace that vision of a new era in space travel, and getting in on the beginning of a new launch vehicle design, rather than seeing the dull and dreary day-to-day routine which this can sometimes be. I wish I could re-capture that childhood wonder that I had during the days of Gemini and Apollo. It pokes its head up now and again, but for such short periods. Trying to grab it and hold it is like trying to grasp the wind. It can be fleeting. Of course so many things are different and account for this. Life is not the simple and carefree time that it was back then. Now it is reality, which can be very ugly and difficult...painful. That surely takes some of the joy from many things, not just re-catching the thrill of exploration. Wishing for other days or for lost things may be encouraging to others, but it is a waste to me, since it produces little and lasts brief. So, once more in life, I pledge to take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I pledge to remember the beautiful sky this morning and the birds singing it in. I pledge to let go and quit holding on so tightly. Perhaps I can become fleeting as well...

Begin terminal countdown sequence

A beautiful full moon this morning, high in the sky, touching the thin cirrus clouds with an outline of silver. Why do we get all romantic and dreamy about that old dead satellite? Something about seeing it hang in the sky so close (astronomically speaking) and yet so very far away... Its dead, cold-hot, cratered surface seems so luminous and inviting from down here. The moon beckons with the promise of so many things that can be dreamed, and then it ducks quickly below the horizon, one last look back with a raspberry of taunting, "You can't catch me!"

It's so attractive because it's so unknown and so unreachable. Ah, but not for very much longer. We shall return to the moon, and we shall live there this time. Consider the deep and lasting impact the Apollo landings had on society. How much more so when humans live there and work there? Even more of an impact than living and working just above the earth's surface. And it will happen in my lifetime. I was a child when Apollo 11 landed on the moon, and I will still be around when we return.

Yes, we can catch you.

The NASA Art Program

Here is a link. A very interesting link.

http://www.nasa.gov/externalflash/NASAart_book/

What many...most people don't know is that NASA administrator James Webb instituted the NASA art program in the very early day of the agency. He had the foresight to see not only how significant the space program would be, but also how much it would and could influence our society and culture. Professional artists were invited to NASA facilities and to launches, and they produced magnificent art work which the majority of the public has never seen or is even aware of the existence. This link takes you to a site that has a very small sampling of this wonderful collection. As evocative and beautiful as these selections are, it is only a peek at the rich heritage that art has left us, giving the artist's unique interpretation of that which is reported so precisely and mundanely in the news media. In October 2008 a book will hit the stands which is entitled, "NASA/Art: 50 Years of Exploration". It's a 176 page presentation of the history of the NASA art program accompanied by a larger look at the collection. No, this is not a commercial for the book, or even for NASA. This is a desire to share the unseen human soul of NASA and of the men and women who have plumbed the depths of it and of their own souls to find the place where humanity, art and science meet.

Whatever

I'm never good with titles. Sir Blog. Baron Blog. Lady Blog. Choose a title. Submit a title. Critique titles.

The sky has lightened considerably, turning from the inky black of a moonless morning to the pale blue of dawn, scattered about with puffy fair weather cumulus which are kissed by the not-yet-risen sun, blushing deep pink in their discomfiture. And in the brief moment taken to tap out those words, the clouds have regained their composure and now stand pale steely grey, serious in their watch over the waking world, sentinels of the new day just breaking. The trees stand at serious attention as well, unfluttered by breeze, lacking even movement of birds to disturb their stationary leaves. The day begins somberly.

And yet furthermore

If that was all there was to it, and if this was all to expect of the much anticipated moment, and if this was all it was cracked up to be, and if this was the proof that all the work was worth it, and if the hokie pokie is what it's all about, and if the quick brown fox always jumps over the lazy dog, always including each and every letter of the alphabet once and only once, and if mothers were always loving and sisters were always true friends, and if life was always equitable and just, and if patience really was a virtue, and if little girls were in actuality sugar and spice and everything nice, and if boys truly consisted of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, then there would, indeed, be no need for the moment.

Well...

Here I am again. A re-beginning. I have come through the fire and survived...singed and burned, but alive. I have re-claimed my life...for the moment. As always, the promised respite has not panned out in reality. Alas, such is reality. Thus the popularity of the internet. It is a place where reality doesn't always exist, and can be so elastic where it does exist. And so I take my first step out of reality and into a world that I can mold to try to recover my wits.

Ares I PDR and Phase I: the worst ever work experience I have had in 27.5 years at NASA. Bar none. Even when we were launching about every 6-8 weeks in 1985, I never worked this hard...or was treated so badly in my career. Excuse me, my job; I no longer consider it a career. It is a paycheck and allows me to live. That is all. People with careers are not treated this way, or assumed to be so dim about an area in which they have specialized for so long. But that is all I will say about the miserable experience. It is over and gone...shoo, go away.

I have lost contact with many friends because of Work, which has owned my soul for so long. Not many have been understanding about the time required, leaving little time for socializing and such. My most wonderful better half and I have suffered because of it as well. Gratefully that bond was strengthened by the experience, not weakened.

I say I will not speak of it further, and yet I continue to refer to "it" even if I do not directly name it. Such is the lasting effect it has had on me. Not quite to the point of PTSD, but not very far away at all. I have endured worse and lived to tell the tale.

So, I endeavour to end on a positive note after all. I had a wonderful 50th birthday in August. I'm just back from a restful vacation. "Holiday season" is upon us and I have a great deal of leave to burn. I imagine it going up in a long, wandering line of sweet smoke like the leaves of fall in the backyard burn pit. And I intend to enjoy it in the same manner, sitting near the warm and aromatic fire, relaxing and contemplating all the creative and useful things I will do as the cool days enclose me in my cocoon of home, away from the world, away from reality.

Gee...

It's still here. Looks the same. Hmm... Nothing has changed. *kicks tires* Holding up good. But what a thick layer of dust. Maybe next time I visit, it will have developed cobwebs.

Quite interesting are people

Have you ever seen a person transform before your eyes? I don't mean something as simple as changing their mind or going from frown to smile. I mean a deep, significant change, and you see it happen as you watch this person? Well, I have. And it was one of the most fascinating things to see.

A close friend of mine, George, is a clown. He will do anything for a laugh. Even when the subject is serious, he injects humor; not to make fun of the subject. It's a natural ability he has to be able to bring humor into situations without seeming to make light of them. Watching him talk politics, however, is a thing unto itself. He can get himself stirred up so quickly and so considerably with a rant that isn't just a rant, but shows his frustration and concern and makes good points. But he does get stirred up and can't be still or keep his voice down. Everyone in the building hears him. He's hyper anyway and that just doubles it.

Well, the congressman from our district is retiring. It was never in George's mind to get involved in politics, at least not as an office holder. As an informed citizen in dialogue with elected officials...always. However, several people around him urged him, and he, to my very great surprise, decided to enter the race.

So, on Sunday morning while he was talking strategy and trading information with his strategist, that's when the transformation took place. George came in with his usual bluster, but when he and Dennis began to talk...this hyper, voluble, tornado of a man became a settled, orderly and incisive speaker and thinker. His usual level of inform and knowledge was and always has been present, and yet it packaged itself up into a person who could run and could be elected, from the wacky clown who usually greets me with a deafening GOOD MORNING!!!! and a crushing hug. This was a congressman now, not a clown. No ranting but real discussion and exchange of information. An entirely different man, and yet the same. I've heard people speak of instantaneous transformations and I always nodded and basically ignored it. Until now. I've seen it, and it was an amazing sight to see. Even when (not if) he shifts back to wacky mode, I'll never forget what I saw and the impression it made on me. Beneath the thin nutty surface, there is a deep passionate man who truly cares and understands.

SSME TTB

This is a photo of a Space Shuttle Main Engine being tested here at Marshall Space Flight Center. I recall the days of working in building 4666. We could step out behind the building and be about 300 yards from the test stand. You'd see the igniter light, but it would take a handful of seconds before the sound got to you, and the pressure wave. You could see the pressure wave traveling as it pushed aside the bushes and long grass and then...wow, it would hit you square in the chest. The roar of power owned your ears...no point trying to converse. The engine demanded your attention until the flash of the lights at engine level signaling that the cut-off signal had been given. Then the roar died off into answering echoes, and you could hear...a bit muted for a while. Wow

No, not Saturn

These are Jupiter's rings.

Yeah, I know...

I said I was going to quit. But I saw something so interesting last night that I have to mention it.

Hey blog, guess what! Last night I saw the ISS and the ATV simultaneously. The ATV was leading the station and was a lot smaller and dimmer, but there was no mistaking it once the motion was caught. The ATV is the Automated Transfer Vehicle. The first one is named Jules Verne. It's to take cargo to the ISS for supply. It's 32 feet long and about 15 in diameter. That's kind of small when you think about how high up it was in the sky, and yet it was visible to the naked eye. Being lit by the sun definitely was advantageous for seeing it. Because it was small, I didn't catch it when it first came up over the horizon. I missed it entirely. However not far behind was the space station...and that is hard to miss. It's so big and bright now, brighter than Venus. Once I caught sight of that, it was easy to find the ATV. And then we stood and watched them both speed across the sky. I had not before seen two objects simultaneously that were not docked. It was fascinating, to me at least. I loved every minute of it. The ATV was lost quickly as soon as it began to move out of the sun's light and dimmed. But the ISS was visible from horizon to horizon, about a 5 minute pass. And we stood and watched it the entire time. A wonderful, wonderful show. A grand dance in the heavens with ISS chasing ATV through the constellations and to the horizon. Wow...

And as the sun slowly sinks into the west...

We bid a fond farewell to blog land. An experiment tried and failed. As I had suggested to the friend who so strongly urged me to begin a blog, it would be for naught. I didn't want to get into a blog with a Big Purpose. I'm very much outspoken on a range of topics and I could have blogged those...and spent my spare time responding to critics and their flames. No, it's not the coward's way out to avoid that. It is the weary person's way out. I already spend plenty of time debating with those around me. I don't enjoy conflict but I will not compromise my principles either. That's why I didn't begin a blog with a Big Purpose. My blog of wandering has curried very little favor, and exceptionally few comments. I could continue it for fun simply because I like to write. However, since I would rather use the time for some writing that might actually be read...or some reading or drawing, I'm tossing the soppy wet towel in and it lands with a soft "flumph", the final comment on this blog.

Observer of the passing parade of life

Just how did we get along before the advent of ubiquitous laptops and cell phones? Can the connected generation imagine days without calling from the car or mall, or not checking email? No, no, this is not a rant on cell phones or how electrical devices are taking over our lives. To be a good observer, one should observe and, if so moved, comment, not rant. Rants are left to social commentators and complainers. I just had a weekend without the DSL working and it was painful to be out of touch, I have to admit it.

That's what made me begin thinking about this. What did I do before the days of email? Of course everything was different then too. None of us had email and we were used to living that way. Therefore, the possibility of service being out was not something we had to face and survive. But when one is out of touch with all those folks and services in cyberspace, then one is truly alone. Strange. How alone does one feel when there are still so many people about one? And yet this is the commonality I've heard when those around me have been unconnected for more time than it takes to walk from one wifi locale to another. It feels so alone not being about to reach out and touch people around the world with a quick note, or to call up any web site to slake the constant desire for information or contact...or to overcome boredom.

My very unscientific and hardly random poll of cell phone users reveals that the largest percent of calls are made because it's "something to do". It "passes the time". Particularly in cars, and the longer the drive, the longer the call.

Are we so bored with everyday life that we need to constantly entertained? Or is it that we need to be constantly stimulated? (See the blog entry for 21 March, "Ordinary Things".) If we need so many things to pass time, that indicts our time and what we do with it. (Me included. It's not an accusation. It's an observation.)

Are we so afraid of being alone that we need to be in continual contact with someone, even if it is just a blog that doesn't react or comment. (But may draw others who do.) So that begs the question is it really fear of aloneness or just intolerance of it? Or can it be that we each think many things we do are so significant that the world needs to be informed? Or that we are seeking (like any other "classic" addict) more and more sensation as we become jaded by what we've been doing the last couple of weeks. New contacts, new sites, new blogs, new Youtube videos, new chatrooms. The study of content of what people most often visit would help shed light on the questions. Perhaps another informal poll is needed. Or not. It wouldn't bring my life to a hideous end if I never figured this one out. Or maybe the people I know will tire of my questions and flame me. Or maybe they will just ignore me. And that would be the worst of all...to be disconnected, alone. Nah, not really. As long as I have my books and writing, I'm never alone, nor lack for entertainment.

Enjoy

I found this at www.wunderground.com. A very cool picture, and serendipitous timing.

Very cool picture

The International Space Station in orbit, with the limb of the earth beyond and the full moon just above. A very cool picture. For those who say we don't belong in space, here's news, we are in space. We are hanging in the solar system's gravity well just like the moon and the rest of the planets. We have a home in space, even if we've never left the planet. An amazing thought. Equally amazing is that we live on the surface of this ball and are able to exist in the thin layer of atmosphere that you see in the picture. The thin blue haze is our home. And this is the only planet hereabouts that has that feature. That's humbling. It was created for us to inhabit as we now and always have been.

In the beginning... The Alpha. The Creator created, and it was so. And we were so. And thus has it been since the beginning. The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament showeth His handiwork. Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion? (Job 38:31) He can. Seek himthat maketh the seven stars and Orion, and turneth the shadow of death into the morning, and maketh the day dark with night: that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: The LORD is his name. (Amos 5:8) They belong to Him that has created. We belong to Him that has created.

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God. I Corinthians 6:20

"Ordinary" things

Been wondering recently about conversation.

It's hard not to hear people when you are in public places. I get accused of eavesdropping, but it's not that at all. I'm not going out of my way to strain for words through cracks or behind doors. I simply hear people all around me. It's difficult for me to just "shut it out" because of my above average hearing. I hear everything. It's actually frustrating that I can't shut it all out...because I've heard so many things I never wanted to hear.

However, I am digressing from the actual subject here. I hear a lot of people say into their ubiquitous cell phone, "Well, there's really nothing going on...just the same ol' stuff." Some emails filter into my inbox apologizing for taking so long to answer because "I just didn't have anything to say."

For a society that communicates incessantly (cell phones, text messages, email, IM, etc., etc.) so many people claim to have nothing to say. It's not the amount of communication that I'm going to rant on, or the unending use of cell phones. No, not any of that at all.

It's the ordinary, every day things that people consider unworthy of addressing in their communications.

The presence of continuous (24/7) television programming (how many younger people today ever heard of a TV station signing off for the night?) and instantaneous news (it happens, you know it immediately) have contributed their part to this. No, I'm not here to criticize television or the media either. It's simply observation.

People become so inundated with flashy television and spectacular media coverage of breaking news that they walk around in a hyper stimulated state most of the time. One result is that every day life becomes banal and tiresome. That is why the ordinary events of life (which when you think about it are the majority) seem so boring to talk about. Even when someone is reporting on the status of Aunt Tizzy or the nephew with measles, it's passed over quickly as if unworthy of attention. (Unless of course Aunt Tizzy had a spectacular car accident or Nephew Timmy had an extraordinary case of the measles.)

My grandmother used to sit on the porch or in chairs under trees and talk with her friends. That sounds like something guaranteed to bore a five year old to tears, right? That kid would rather be dashing around, going wild with friends. Well, true, at times I did choose that option. But there were many times when I enjoyed listening to them talk...about very ordinary things. Very ordinary. "Got a phone call from Lois the other day. Law...we ain't seen each other in years." "Really? How is she?" "She's just fine. She said she put up 30 jars of beans last week." "She must have a big garden." "They bought the lot next to them so they could have a good one." Quite ordinary.

So why is this of importance enough to me to mention? Observation. I'm a certified people observer. Love to look and listen. You learn so much of human behavior and the human condition. I think part of the joy of that was born in those conversations in the shade in the late summer afternoons. Those people knew how to converse, not talk. There really is an art to it, and they knew it because of the very lack of communication devices and means. They learned how to make time together count because it was more meaningful. Communication was scarcer and so passing on the ordinary events to friends and neighbors was the way to truly learn what was going on outside your sphere. And they were better story tellers too. Knowing how to turn a phrase, the timing of a tale, using the just-so-perfect inflection or small gesture. It added wealth and nuance to a story that is missing from many conversations now.

Certainly you can relate any incident to a friend in any way you choose. However, for fun and a challenge choose something very ordinary (buying a drink at the quick rip) and think about how you could make it into something more. Not by exaggerating or sensationalizing. That would be too easy. How else to dress it up? Aye, there's the rub...and the challenge.

What day...

What wonders a day away from work will do.

Actually it wasn't an entire day. I went to work but by 8:00, I knew it had been a mistake to try. I only had about three hours of sleep the night before. Why? I have no clue. It's something that happens now and then and I don't know why. I just can't sleep. I've tried all the "cures" that have been suggested, warm milk and the whole routine. Nothing works on one of those nights. So I just make the best of it and read usually. Then the next day...well, some times I can make it and some times I can't. Yesterday I couldn't. Now, I'm not sure what kept the better half from getting a good sleep. I was told, but I simply don't recall. Better half was wiser and stayed home to begin with.

So I left at 8:00 and went home to bed. Daven Dog woke me about 12:15. He's a good alarm clock...if you don't want to sleep too long. Otherwise, he's a pain. But I was glad for his visit yesterday.

And so there was enough of the day left to enjoy it. We went to Barnes and Noble for lunch (the cafeteria) and wandered in the book store for awhile, coming away with an $88 bag of books. Mostly my fault, I'm afraid. However, I said just yesterday that better half doesn't do recreational reading. Well, better half found a book that was interesting (and read the first chaper last night), and a Sky & Telescope magazine. I have to admit responsibility for the rest of the bill. We stopped in Office Depot for some supplies.

At home I worked on designing some title pages for my self bound books. Just a couple of them. The internet connection was acting up again, so that sidetracked me for more time than I foresaw or wanted. That's why I got so little done.

However, we went for an early supper at the Olive Garden. A leisurely supper, forced on us by the longer than usual wait. But that did give us time to sit and talk quietly. A relaxing moment which is so rare these days.

I still had time to write for an hour and a half, bind two books, and read one of my new books for an hour. It was amazing that I got so much done. When I had finished the binding, I was astounded that it was only 7:30. Work certainly takes up a lot of time from my day. Not to mention that better half works so much later and has half an hour drive before we can have supper and then it's about 6:00. No wonder we never do anything. We don't have time to.

What a great day we had together. Time away from work is so valuable. Time together is very valuable. It was a great and grand day. It was worth missing most of a night's sleep.

Reading

I have to say that I've been relieved to find several people like me in the past couple or so months. Like me, crazy? No, although one of them is. No, like me in reading. I am a voracious reader. Well, that's not it either. I know plenty of people who are that. The thing of it is that I read three or four books simultaneously. I expected that there probably were others out there who did the same. Since I've found I'm not the only person who loves to pour over maps for hours on end, read the dictionary, and collect for future use many kinds of interesting paper, I've come to learn that the things which others think make me "weird" are often shared by many people. It did take time to find another map person. The other dictionary person was easier. The other paper person, the easiest of all.

However all of the other voracious readers that I knew did not read multiple books simultaneously. In fact a couple thought I was beyond weird and wondered how I could keep the books straight. So as long as I've been reading, I really did begin to wonder. And the better half (who does not engage in recreational reading) was especially bemused by this habit.

However, one day in Barnes and Noble, other half mentioned to the lady behind the counter that I read several books at once. She said, "Of course! You have to have a book in the living room, one in the bedroom, one at work, one in the car..." A kindred spirit! Finally! As I knew it had to be, I was not alone.

Well, this just cracked the door. Since that fateful encounter, I've learned of others who are multi-task readers...people I don't even know. I heard an interview of Liam Neeson who said he read, "three or four books at a time." It was simply a matter of opening up the search. I'm not the wierdo. Those who do not take advantage of the great treasure of affordable books available are the unusual ones to me. There are books for every taste and interest, and audio books for those who don't read well (which is why other half doesn't indulge...learning disorder). I guess what I really don't understand is lack of curiosity. There's an incredible world out there just waiting to be discovered.

Books, books! A veritable gold mine!
Piled as high as a Ponderosa Pine.
Treasures of data, volumes of lore.
I want to read! Give me more!
Piled to the ceiling, piled to the trees.
Leave me in quiet with my reader's disease.

BLA

Wandering the deep dark recesses...

No, not of my mind. Not this time.

The deep dark recesses of IT Land. It's a scary place, but come with me for a brief visit. It's dark, but, well...enlightening.

Because of the incredible amount of meetings I attend (and lose many hours of work time to) I finally decided that a lap top computer for work was A Good Thing. Of course there are many reasons to have one, but the biggest reason that made me avoid one was the spectre of lots and lots of homework many nights a week. However, when I began having to spend hours in meetings that were not entirely useful and saw how much work others were getting accomplished, I began to rethink the issue. And so I petitioned my team leader for an early "refresh" as we call the process of Getting A New Computer.

The new system arrived three weeks ago today. After waiting patiently for those three weeks, a technician showed up yesterday to Install The System. (It's worth the wait because then he must take the blame if Something Goes Wrong.)

I recall the days when a refresh took the better part of a day if not all or it, or more. (Yes, I am old, and I sound it.) Well, I was pleasantly surprised when Austin finished in an hour and a half. That's installing and moving my data from old to new. He rose and said, "That's it. You're good to go." And he disappeared. He walked into one of those dark recesses where he quickly disappears and there is no way to call him back. Really, no way.

I began to look, first of all, to see if all of my stuff was there. Most important thing...my stuff. Well, yes it all seems to be there, including (shh) the personal stuff too...music, some personal Word files, and such. Because the system administrator will not allow music, for one example, to be backed up, I figured "they" would not allow such personal things to be moved. So far, so good.

Then the fun began. Now, let me first off say that I realize just how little I know about computers. I am very much A User, and it is a black box to me, and that's the way I like it. Yes, even if I have problems with my home computer. That is what IT support gets paid for.

First off I couldn't access the internet. "This page cannot be displayed" for all of my favorites, and no, not the personal ones. I couldn't access the things I use for work. I know a couple of tricks to try on settings, but that didn't work and I opted to Leave It Alone.

Next up is that I did not know how to undock the lap top from the docking station. A good tug didn't work. My cube neighbor informed me you have to press the unlock button. Oh, of course. Having received No Instruction from Austin before he disappeared into the dark recesses, I simply pressed the unlock button and took the lap top. It was not until I tried to redock that I realized I must have done Something Wrong. Again my cube neighbor gave the lesson...power down before you undock! Oh...really?? I had no clue. And the local IT person gave me a stiff lecture on that, but that was later.

Still I couldn't figure out what was up. The mouse wouldn't respond. The secondary monitor was now the primary one, with the option to make the lap top's monitor the primary one not available. My cube neighbor gave me lots of advice, none of which worked and only seemed to inflame the situation. "Why don't you get rid of that frame around the docking station? (The one that supports the monitor.) It's in the way and you can't open your laptop with that there.) The IT person wasn't impressed with that either.

After an hour and a half (the same time the refresh took) I was still wandering in the dark, and things were not completely working. Two IT people were at the desk and Cathene had her "book of tricks" none of which were working. I was happy to sit back and watch the fun, after I'd had my turn of following Jon's advice and still being alone in the dark. This is when the lectures came, by the way, of not messing with the system, how to undock (Did Austin really not tell you about this? Uh...yeah. Did he really not leave a card with his phone number? Uh...yeah), don't tinker with the hardware, etc. I took it with a pinched grin and lots of head nodding, and a promise to get back at Jon...who has his system set up the way he was advising me to set mine up and somehow escaped the lectures.

At any rate when I left work, internet was still no go. I was glad to walk away and leave it in their capable hands and forget about it for the night.

This morning I came in and turned on the computer. Internet Explorer still would not load any web pages. However, in my email was a note from the IT group that my problem had been solved, "please verify by taking this survey". Fixed?? Why couldn't I get it work? Well, I looked at the settings again and tried things at random, and guess what, it now loads web pages. I have no idea what I did or why it works. Or why "they" thought the problem was fixed.

That is the deep dark recesses of IT Land. I recommend avoiding it as much as possible. If you must go, don't go alone, and don't stay long either. It's not a good place to even visit.

Wow

The EVAs have been great fun to watch. Dextre is working fine, thank you very much. This picture is amazing. It may be hard to appreciate it, but looking at those solar arrays, knowing hard far away that is... This station is getting huge. I saw a video during the last shuttle mission that was instructive. One of the astronauts was floating through the station with a video camera. It was a tour. Not a talking, showing everything tour, but just a float through of all the inside space of the ISS. It gave a much better perspective of just how much room they have inside now. It was impressive and amazing to me, since I didn't really have a good concept of the inside. With the fixed camera views inside the ISS, it's very difficult to appreciate what it's like inside. I hope that NASA posts that video on their web site. There are some great videos there, some of them are HD. It's worth a look.

Yes, I do get all excited and carried away and talk a lot about the shuttle and ISS especially during a mission. I also know that a lot of people just don't care. But I also know that a friend of mine mentioned seeing a program about the ISS over the weekend. Many things were mentioned that made it interesting to her. She realized things she didn't know. And it was very interesting to her. So if one only takes the time to find out and understand, one can see why this is so great and exciting and, well, interesting. People need to try to get outside themselves for a while and see what is going on up there. If you think it has no bearing on you or is something you can't relate to, that is just because you haven't taken the time to have a look or listen. This is relative to everyone every day. It takes a willing and open mind to want to learn and find out.

Dextre

It was difficult to select from the available pictures. They are all so wonderfully sharp and amazing. But this one definitely stood out from the others. Nose to the earth and tail to the ISS. Wonderful overview of the belly of the orbiter. I believe this will be my new wallpaper...until another spectacular picture comes along. I change my wallpaper regularly during missions. There's just too many to select from. What I really should do is set my screen saver to do a slide show of all these great pictures.

Now, to the subject at, ahem, hand. Dextre. "Dextre is the third and final component of the Mobile Servicing System developed by Canada for the ISS. The two-armed Special Purpose Dexterous Manipulator, known as "Dextre," complements the mobile base and the robotic arm Canadarm2 already installed and operating on the station. These make the MSS a vital tool for external station maintenance. With advanced stabilization and handling capabilities, Dextre can perform delicate human-scale tasks such as removing and replacing small exterior components. Operated by crew members inside the station or by flight controllers on the ground, it also is equipped with lights, video equipment, a stowage platform, and three robotic tools." Quoted from the STS-123 press kit at http://www.nasa.gov/pdf/216132main_sts123_press_kit_b.pdf

I really like to watch the post-MMT press briefings. (That is sarcasm by the way.) It really shows certain reporters at their worst. (My all time favorite, as of now, will be the previous mission when Hans Schlegel got ill and the media insisted on their right to know his private medical information.) Yesterday it was Dextre who was gifted with the attention. Dextre was attached to the POA on the ISS, which not only is its "end effector" so to speak but also where it receives power from the ISS. (ISS=International Space Station) However, when it was connected, no power flowed. After a work day of studying the problem the people who built it felt "very confident" that they understood the problem and had the fix, a software fix. But the media who cover NASA are confident of their ability to understand complex engineering scenarios simply because of their years covering the shuttle. And so they insist on questioning the decisions that trained and seasoned engineers have made. They also seem to have some sort of conspiracy minded idea that NASA is hiding information and not telling all. And so their usual practice is interrogation of the NASA spokesperson, asking the same questions over and over, but just rephrased. And there is a cadre who always ask questions even if there is nothing to ask. It might lead one to believe they meet to line up their questions and plan of attack, if one were conspiracy minded. I sometimes wonder just what it would take to satisfy them. No, I don't look at it as if they are doing their job. They are doing that but there is much more they are doing...that doesn't serve their primary function. I listen until I'm ready to throw something at the televison and then I turn it off. John Shannon always did well at dancing with the media. Looks like Leroy Cain is going to do equally well...although I sympathize with them both... Good luck guys.

In the meantime, there was a very sucessful first EVA (space walk), which seems to have gone mostly unnoticed because of the early morning hour and the huge coverage of a minor annoyance.

NASA keeps 'em flying.

A sonnet

Shall I again invoke thee as my muse?
When I, of thee, did take my leave to write,
Thou put'st alien pen before me to use.
And did give these dark and blinded eyes sight,
To see that which was there but was obscur'd.
Thou did'st lift the veil from mine eyes and mind,
And I from a long, dark slumber was stirr'd.
Thou tak'st my hand and helped my way to find.
Thou giv'st me thine own hand that I might feel,
That I also might feel the world as you,
That I might know what is false and what real.
And I have come to know life as you do.
Thou hast given life meaning and reason,
And purpose to see it through each season.

A home in space

I enjoy when NASA shows that they are able to do more than people are willing to credit them for. And I have no doubt this mission will be one of those. Five EVA (spacewalks), which will be the most time on EVA of any mission so far. This comes as a result of the unexpected repair to the ISS solar array on STS-120. Some of that mission's work had to be shifted so they could do the repair. But even at that, STS-120 was one of those glorious moments for NASA. The team pulled together to invent a way to repair the solar array using what the astronauts had available to them up there and the repair worked admirably. That was one of those times when the naysayers were crucifying NASA (again) and again predicting the sudden death of the ISS because of the tear in the array...not enough power to operate! This is NASA's death toll. The previous death toll was when the Russian GNC (guidance and navigation computer) on the ISS wouldn't work and wouldn't reboot. The station is going to fall from the sky! This is the end of the program and the end of NASA. But that too only allowed a chance to shine when the ISS occupants were able to wire around the problem and get the computers working until a new board could be delivered on the next shuttle mission, which was installed and works fine now, thank you.

Scare tactics? Lack of confidence? Desiring to see NASA fail, and so inspire distrust? I don't know which is the case, but each time A Problem is encountered on the shuttle or ISS, the media run for the hills kicking and screaming all the way. And each time NASA has come through and repaired the problem and the program has rolled on. Even with bits of foam still coming off the tank. The tank will never stop shedding foam. However, NASA (again) has done admirably in coming up with fixes that minimize the amount and size. NASA has done some EVA activity around potential TPS problems and made great decisions on when not to repair because it wasn't a problem. Each shuttle mission has come home safely, victoriously completing challenging missions, inventing solutions and keeping the shuttle and ISS flying...in spite of the huge lack of confidence of the media and certain sectors of the public.

NASA keeps 'em flying