The End...in actuality

Even though I say that nothing surprises me any more, plenty of things do. Every time I think I've seen the most that people can do, they always find a new way to puzzle me. And it doesn't have to be A Big Deal. It can be simple lack of courtesy...which seems to be the largest growing trend in our population these days.

One example is the anonymity that people take advantage of with email. Because they use alias and such they say things that I'll bet they would not if their identity was clear to everyone. I used to use my name and be open about who I was until I got stalked. But I don't use a screen name as a reason to hound people or annoy them. I realize that when you join a mailing list you take the risk of airing your email address and that can bring a lot of unwanted junk or abuse.

For instance, at the mention that I was considering re-posting some old stories on a friend's list, I was inundated with more private mail than discussion on the list. Everyone has decided what I should do, how I should do it, when, and to their likes and dislikes. I thought an offer to re-post might bring a lot of requests so my idea of how to deal with that was start from the beginning and post them all. I also explained a sticky copyright issue I'm involved in, and which really should be resolved before any of this starts.

However, it's as if I mentioned none of that and just said, " tell me how to serve you." Because that's what I got...orders. I was told where to post them, specific URL's. I was asked for CDs of all the stories...or made to order CDs where the requester gets to shop for stories. Not just a handful of stories. Near one hundred. Hello? I told you there were issues to be resolved first. And one other thing...this is not a mail order service.

I don't think people realize what's behind the stories. They just show up in their inbox and they read for free, no expense to them. When I was writing heavily, I would spend about three hours a day in writing, posting, updating web site and answering email. That's a great deal of free labor. It was like having a part time job along with my regular job. But now people expect me to serve them. In fact some feel I owe it to them. I don't know where these perceptions come from. I owe no one anything. If a person has been a loyal reader for years, I appreciate that, but that obligates me to nothing. You get it free. I get nothing, many times not even the gift of feedback. They are too busy to write that and yet I am supposed to bow to their whims and continue to use my time to serve them. Give me and then get out of my face.

Another facet of this that grinds on me is the mentality of ordering up stories to specification. Such emails as, "I'm only interested in the canon characters! Don't bother posting original character stories." "I'm only interested in OC Jedi characters. Don't bother posting the others." "Forget posting stories about anything other than Jedi! No one is interested in those non-Jedi characters. They are boring!" This is supposed to make me want to post?

I stopped writing for three years because I was burned out. Now that I am ready to write again, my interests have changed and I don't know that I want to write the same sorts of things. I'm ready to move on as a writer. My original characters are much more important to me. I want to develop them, but apparently no one is interested in that.

If I were being paid then I might be more amenable to criticism and see the need to satisfy an audience. This is not the kind of junk I need in my life right now...especially with work being so hard on me at the same time. Especially with work being so hard it's more effort to find time to write and to find time to dig out old stories and post them.

So the lesson I have learned is that society continues it's fall into the "it's all about me" mentality.

And thus ends any aspiration to post or re-post or to even write. I won't ever be a professional and if my amateurish efforts are not welcome, what is the point?

The End...of the story and of the writing