Enter at your own risk...

The last thing I wanted was for this blog to become a woe is me spot. Sure, we all have the down times and we all like to air them. Hey, that's healthy. I just didn't want to come here and cry on virtual shoulders every day. Part of the reason I never started a blog. But I need to download some of the stuff building up inside. So continue at your own risk, or bail out while you can.

I'm always amazed at how people at work can compliment you on being intelligent and doing a great job and then the next day the same person will show no confidence in your ability at all. In December I was congratulated all around. In January, I am a total idiot who isn't able to do the same job I did in December.

I have a hazard report I've put together. It's for the new launch vehicle, Ares, and it concerns malfuctions/weaknesses/accidents that could cause the vehicle not to reach proper orbit. Many of the causes are due to the propulsion system, i.e. rocket engines. I've spent 23 of my 26 years working on engines. That's why I got this hazard report to do. I understand it well enough. It makes sense to me with all I've learned and been exposed to. However, about half of my team shows sudden lack of confidence in my ability to carry this thing through the next phase...review and approval. I'm not allowed to attend meetings by myself to discuss this. Each time it comes up for presentation in an informal group, I get tons of help from others trying to explain it for me or respond to questions for me. The especial "yike" coming up is presenting it to the Constellation Safety Engineering Review Panel. THE CSERP, the panel that eats engineers alive and spits out the bones at the end of the meeting. When I was a young engineer I presented regularly to panels and boards and I lived to tell about it. I don't know what the suddenly shift is, but it's a huge pain to try to plan this and have everyone do it for you.

And speaking of things to complain about... This has been hell week for me. There was an all day telecon on Monday and Tuesday, another all day thing on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and a third on Wednesday and Thursday. That is in addition to the every day at 8 hazard report meeting for 1-2 hours, all my weekly meetings and other meetings that were called as a result of planning or lack of for this upcoming presentation. And this morning, I get an email from another engineer asking me to go compare all of the shuttle hazard reports with all the Ares hazard reports to be sure we've covered everything...NOW. The part that makes this even sadder is that this is not unusual now. It's a way of life now...just this week was worse than usual. Actually I don't worry about what I can't do. I just get annoyed that "here we go again." I wonder when someone will figure out the things that aren't getting done because we can't split ourselves infinitely to cover all the meetings and tasks...

And there you have it. Now I can return to work and to a non-complaining blog.

:p