ARESI J2-X USE FMEA-CIL PDR TIM W/ CSERP

Your morning meal, Alpha-Bits. Just add milk. And a $10 prize to whomever correctly identifies to what this refers, and it is a string of real acronyms. Good luck.

Do I have plans to finish what I posted yesterday? I didn't when I posted it. But after reading it over again, perhaps I shall. It would make a good brief story for submission. In the meantime, while I ponder that, here is another fragment that I discovered...

He was slowly aware of something beyond himself and Dathan realized he was asleep…but not quite. He was in the odd state between sleep and wakefulness. Dath tried to convince himself to go back to sleep. Not only for the rest, but also for the escape. He didn’t want to wake up yet. However, he lost the battle and began to become more perceptive. He was aware of the bed beneath him and the blanket over him and the air passing over the skin of his face, forced convection from the ventilation system. He was awake.

One other thing that Dathan was attentive to. His head was pounding. He groaned and rolled onto his back. Then he decided that was not a good idea. Even though he had not opened his eyes yet, the light over the bed penetrated his closed lids enough for Dath to know it would only aggravate his headache to see the bright light. The lanky man rolled to his right side again.

There were quiet sounds all around, hissing, beeps, clatter of activity and quiet talking. None of it was interesting enough to draw much of Dath’s attention. He recognized most of it and knew where he was. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed no one would bother him.

He was about to be disappointed though. The chief medical officer had seen his movements and heard the groan. He stopped what he was doing and came to the bedside.

“Dathan? Are you awake?”

The man didn’t answer. Go away! I’m not ready to face anyone yet. Leave me alone.

“Dath? Talk to me. You haven’t stirred this much since you’ve been here. I know you’re awake.” The doctor paused for a reaction. There was none. “I’m not going away. You may as well talk to me.”

Finally the grey eyes cracked open a bit…and then closed again.

“Only if you turn down that damned light,” Dath said hoarsely.

The doctor dimmed the light over the bed. Dathan slowly opened his eyes.

“My head is going to explode.”

The doctor turned and nodded to his aide who hurried to an adjacent room.

“How do you feel…aside from the headache?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m the chief medical officer. You are required to talk about it, mister.”

“Look, Doc…I’m fine except for the headache.”

“Physically that is.”

“That’s it.”

“Dath…”

But the man interrupted him. He came up on his elbows. “That’s it! I’m fine! Leave me alone!” Then he put a hand to his head and fell back on the bed.

The assistant hurried to Dr. Rhome’s side. He handed the man a pressurized spray syringe. The grey haired doctor pressed the syringe to Dathan’s arm, while holding it in place with his other hand.
“What is that?” Dathan tried to pull away.

“It’s a liquid analgesic. It’ll get into your system faster this way. Should help your headache.” Dr. Rhome looked down at the drawn face of Dathan Lennel. Dathan was one of the most stable and calm men he had ever known. But the doctor had heard the transmissions from his fighter craft when he was attacking. Rhome was surprised to find no obvious injuries to the man when he was pulled from his ship. But he had been in a deep sleep for just over a day…the sleep of exhaustion. Something out there had put Dath through hell. The grey haired doctor knew he would have to find out what happened, but not now. Let Dathan rest some more. He pulled the blanket back up over the still figure and turned to leave.

Dath had closed his eyes as soon as Rhome had answered his question. He didn’t want to face the questions. He didn’t want to face anyone right now. He just wanted to be left alone. But…but it was just as painful to be left with his thoughts as it was for someone to try to pull them from him.

The least he could have done is give me something that would make me sleep too…or at least make me not care.

“I thought the doc would never leave!”

Oh no! Not him. It was all Dathan could do not to groan aloud.

“Hey Dath! You’re a hero, man! You did it!” The wide, open and freckled face was grinning big. Rott’s red hair was a mess, as always. Curly and long, he said it was little use to try to do anything with it. So he didn’t. “You wiped out the Scards! The plague of this side of the galaxy. You destroyed the whole race of the murderous bastards. How did you do it? We’ve been fighting them for months. You go out and fire only a couple of times…and all the ships are gone. What was it? A mother ship of some kind? You got it and the rest self-destructed?”

Finally Dathan opened his eyes. He wanted to slap the happy face, but the poor ignorant bastard wouldn’t understand, and not understanding why he had received the blow, he probably would let it pass off him and not appreciate the true feelings behind it.

“Go away, Rott. I’m tired. I need to sleep.”

“You’ve been asleep for hours and hours. What is it with you? Did something happen to you out there?” Rott looked away, over his shoulder. He lowered his voice. “You know there’s been…rumors going around. Rumor that something did happen out there.” The man paused and licked his lips. “Some are saying…you lost it. That you…you know…went berserk out there.” He paused to see what his friend would say.

“Yeah?” Dathan replied. “Well, you know how rumors are.” Then he rolled over onto his left side, turning his back to Rott.

“You’re…not denying it,” the man said in a hoarse whisper.

“I never defend myself against rumors. You know that.”

“Hey…it’s me, Rott, your friend. I’m not one of the self-serving, butt-kissing gossips on the station. You don’t have to put on an act for me…I thought.”

“I don’t have to play these idiotic games either,” Dathan snapped and was sorry he did. Just when he thought the pounding in his head was lessening, he caused it to flare back up. He covered his face with both hands. “Go away.”

“Hey…if something’s wrong, you can tell me. I want to help…if I can.”

“No one can help me, Rott. I’ve damned myself and I alone have to pay the price and suffer with the knowledge of what I’ve done.”

“What you’ve done? Dath, you ended the war! You stopped it. Do you know how many lives you probably saved by stopping it finally? Do you know how many have died fighting those bastard Scards? You’ve done us a favor! What are you talking about?”

Suddenly Dathan rolled over and lunged. He grabbed Rott’s collar and pulled the man down until they were almost touching noses. Through clenched teeth he said, “I’ve done us a favor? I’ve saved lives? No, I took lives. I took lives. I killed a whole race!”

“But they started this,” Rott said quietly. “We did nothing to provoke their attacks. The Scards started the war. We have a right to defend ourselves.”

Dath sat up in the bed, not letting go of his friend. “You disgust me. Get out of here.” Then he shoved with all his might. “Get out of here!”

Rott fell backward and landed on his buttocks. He wasn’t angry. He was confused and just sat staring silently, the bewilderment showing on his face. Suddenly a door across the room slid open and Dr. Rhome hurried in.

“What are you doing in here? You know no one was allowed in except the captain and the medical staff. You must leave now!” His tone was stiff and annoyed.

Rott got to his feet wordlessly. He took one more look at his friend. Dathan was lying down again, on his back, arm over his face. Rott said nothing in defense of himself. He said nothing at all. The man just walked out slowly.

“Are you all right?” Rhome asked as he came to the bedside.

“Yes,” Dath answered without moving his arm.

“Headache any better at all?”

“No,” he said bitterly. What an idiotic question.

The doctor pressed a button and spoke into a speaker near the bed. “Cere, bring another syringe of analgesic, same dose.”

“Why don’t you give me something really useful?”

“You want me to put you back to sleep.” It was not a question.

“It’s the only way I’m going to be left alone.”

“You can’t hide forever, Dath. You’re going to have to talk sometime. You’re going to have to face whatever it is that you’re hiding.”

~*~

“I’ve tried to hold the captain off as long as I could,” Rhome said. He studied Dathan’s face. “You’re going to have to talk to him now. You’re going to have to tell him whatever went on out there.”

Dath pressed a button and raised the head of his bed. He looked pale and weary. All the rest he had gotten seemed to have done him no good at all. He said nothing.

Rhome walked over to the door. “Captain.”

Captain Jere Pertay walked in, dressed in his casual uniform. He was a medium height man with fair hair. He had his hands clasped behind his back. Slowly he walked to the bedside as he appraised the man waiting for his interrogation.

“You look like hell, Lennel.”

“Yes sir,” Dath answered quietly.

“I heard your transmissions during the fight. You sounded upset. Now you seem like a different man. The doctor says you are healthy…physically, but something else is wrong. I want to know what’s going on.”

Dathan took in a deep breath, slowly and evenly. He had to be in control or he’d never be able to say all he knew he had to without letting his anger and grief spill out.

“The Scards, sir.”

“What about them? You killed them. You’re a hero. I expect a medal and compensation and choice of duty after this.”

“No sir.”

“Excuse me?” the captain said sharply.

“I’m not a hero, sir. I am a murderer.”

“It’s not murder. It’s war.”

“No sir. It was not war.”

“What do you mean? We were attacked without provocation. Each time we have encountered the Scards they have killed every man that they were able to. And…we have never made an aggressive move. Always we are the ones attacked.”

“You don’t understand. I didn’t understand…until…”

“Go on.”

“Until…I…was…contacted by one of them.”

“Contacted? You mean it spoke to you?”

“It tried, sir. It was trying to when I killed it.”

Pertay looked confused. “Why did you try to kill it if it was talking to you? Did it threaten you?”

“No sir. I didn’t know that’s what was going on.”

“Lennel, you’re not making much sense.”

“I know, sir. This doesn’t make much sense. I was ready to fire on a ship. Just as I hit the fire button…that’s when I realized that the Scard was trying to talk to me.”

“Oh, I see. Well…that was an accident. You were already in motion, had already fired. You can’t count yourself a murderer for that.”

“No sir. Not for that. It’s worse. I’m guilty of destroying the whole race.”

“Okay, let’s try this once more, from the top.”

“The contact with the Scard…I don’t think they knew what they were doing to us. It’s not a voice contact. It was…” His voiced died off and he put a hand to his head.

“Another headache?” Rhome asked.

“No, no. I mean…he contacted me…here…somehow, but it was so painful. If I hadn’t killed him…”

“You mean to tell me…that you think that the contact with the Scard would have killed you?” Captain Pertay said.

Dathan looked at the doctor. “The men who have been killed by Scards…what exactly did they die of?”

“Massive bleeding in the brain.”

There was total quiet in the room as the doctor and captain put the pieces together.

Rhome said, “You could tell that the Scard was trying to talk to you?”

“Yes,” Dathan said quietly. “It said…don’t shoot.”

It was a minute before the captain spoke. “Don’t shoot?”

“Yes sir. I believe that they didn’t know that they were killing us with their way of communication. The reason they continued to ‘attack’ is that they were trying to break the barrier…to ask us not to kill them any more.”

“Is that why you broke off the attack?”

“After I killed a Scard that was begging me not to kill him…and I had the pain in my head too, I had to stop and think what was happening.”

“What was all the…yelling from your cockpit?”

“When I realized what was going on…I…allowed one of them to contact me again. I told him he was killing me with his thoughts.” Dath stopped. “Then…I had to kill him…because he wouldn’t pull away.”

“Why did you do that?” Rhome said in disbelief.

“I hoped I could get the message to a Scard…that their communication was dangerous to us. I hoped he would stop…and tell the others. I wanted to try to stop the killing…on both sides.”

“What happened?” Pertay asked.

“I…I’m not entirely sure. The last contact was from a Scard who said ‘We are sorry. We pay for our mistake now.’ And…in less than a minute…”

“The entire fleet self-destructed…”

“Yes,” Dath whispered.

“But…they didn’t know. Why did they kill themselves?” Rhome said quietly.

“All I know is the incredible guilt I felt with that last communication. Guilt…anguish so great that it was crushing.”

“I didn’t find anything physically wrong with you…and I did do a scan of your head.”

“I can’t explain it, Doc. Guess it takes a certain amount of time for it to be deadly. I guess that they could read the thoughts of the one who first contacted me…and they began to figure it out…like I did.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“But…why are we just now finding this out?” Pertay asked. “Why hasn’t any other pilot been able to figure it out? This war has been going on for months.”

“I don’t know, sir. As I said…I told one of them that he was killing me…and I still had to fire on his ship because he wasn’t pulling back. Maybe the other pilots either tried to talk and waited too long…or they didn’t realize it was a communication. I can’t say, sir, because I…can’t talk to the Scards or to the dead pilots.”

“You feel guilty for their deaths.”

“I can’t help it, sir. I just remember that great flood of anguish before… It’s hard to put it out of my mind that something I said caused that.”

“Sir,” Rhome interrupted.

“Yes?” Captain Pertay answered without looking away from Dath.

“It is in Dathan’s medical record that he has tested high in Psi powers. He could be more sensitive to the telepathic attempts because of that.”

“Look into it, Rhome. Find out for me how many of these other pilots tested high in Psi ability. If I have to go forward with this explanation…I want the holes plugged. I have to eliminate all the speculation that I can before I elevate my report.”

“At once, Captain.” The doctor turned to go.

“Dathan,” Pertay said quietly, becoming more informal, “you can’t blame yourself for this. I understand what you are saying about what you felt…but you can’t let that rule you.”

“I appreciate what you are trying to do, sir. But…I can’t forget that we’ve lost a race…an entire race. It’s gone from the galaxy. We never even had the chance to meet them…to know what their culture is like. We don’t know what they had to give to us or to the galaxy.”

“You don’t know that the entire race is gone. What about their home planet? We’ve only seen their ships…small ships. They were not moving to a new location. That was not all the Scards.”

“I want to agree with you, sir…but…I think I understand them.”

“Just from that little contact?”

“The time was brief…but what was exchanged was not. I think that’s why some of the men couldn’t handle it. It was too much for them. They thought they were losing their minds. I am speculating, of course.”

“You mean…you think some of the deaths were suicides?”

“I can’t and won’t say that. I just know what I felt and what happened to me. Sir, the guilt was so incredibly strong from inadvertently causing death…by a simple attempt to talk. They value life. It’s important to them.”

“Do you know where they came from?”

“They called their planet Sesha.”

The captain spun on his heel and walked out.

~*~


Dath went about his regular duties, trying to ignore the stares that accompanied his passage. He knew that Captain Pertay had ordered his statements about the Scards to be kept confidential. No one beyond the captain, Dr. Rhome, and Dathan himself knew of it. So Dath was uncertain if the whispers were about the rumors Rott had told him of or of his so called heroic action in destroying the Scards. However, it mattered little to him now. When he was first out of sickbay and still reeling a bit from all that happened, then it was hard to ignore the men and women pointing behind a hand and whispering. However, he had begun to focus on the Scards and their new mission…and the gossipers fell into the background.

The new mission was to send a ship from the space station to the world of Sesha to see if there were Scards left on the planet. The purpose was two-fold, to find evidence of survivors and to try to communicate with them first before they could harm anyone else with their still not understood means of communication.

Dath had volunteered for the mission. Captain Pertay was not sure that it

***