Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Hit bottom today. Feeling very miserable. The kind of day when the brain is so sogged that it won't perform rationally.

One good point--it is significantly warmer. The temperature is in the 40's and it is so good not be freezing, particularly since I would freeze at the equator in the middle of the summer...which is a non-sequitur concerning seasons and equatorial position. But it sounds good.

The sky is metal grey mottled with lighter grey streaks and splotches, as if someone poured melted metal across the sky and did not stir it. The rain tapered off yesterday late so we are left with a crazy quilt of damp outside.

Roy gave generously of his time, as always. He had fifteen minutes and still hadn't eaten lunch. Yet he brought me in and listened. He's so good. When will he tire of me? Roy is as changeable as a chameleon. When he listens, he is serious, even grim. His blue eyes grey down. He is in hear mode, absorbing. When he talks, his eyes glimmer and he charges up before he launches into response. Now he is in transmit mode. He cares about his people. He simply cares.

I finally got back in the mode to write. I watched something that gave me an idea for a plot and I charged into it. The first time in a very long time that I've written more than a couple of pages before I decided it was too much of a chore and stopped. I got up to 11 pages before my idea was crushed out. Julie M. strikes again. She has the method that rains on my parade and severely demotivates me. She usually doesn't give me a chance to develop a plot before she rips it up, telling me all that is wrong with it. Well, I didn't give her the chance this time. However, I did need to ask her for some medical information for the story. I can't fault her for being medically accurate, but it killed my story idea. So I've lost interest in trying to save it. I really don't think I'll write again. After five years I just can't get going any more.