State of confusion

Though I never intended this blog to become a place to cry and expel all things to the void, sometimes I do revert to that because there has to be an outlet. Some things are not expressible to another person. Not because they are so terrible, but because they are so unfathomable. And so I attempt here to do what I can't do, haven't been able to do, out of cyberspace.

I can't explain what goes on inside. Some people understand my ramblings because they feel the same things. Others try but don't get it. And the remainder stare with the blankest of looks. For all the goodness and care that two current sounding-boards demonstrate, it's no good trying to dump what's inside. I can tell that I made one of the pair uncomfortable. I'm sorry for that because I simply don't want to make such situations. But things haven't been like this for me in a long time. It hasn't been so bleak and confusing in some years. Sure, there are professionals, but I can't spend every day in such a setting. And I am expected to deal with a certain amount on my own. And so I should have. Then these uncomfortable situations wouldn't begin to build up.

If I sound as if I am babbling, I am. As I said, I can't explain. I feel a little mad at the moment. I feel like another person. When will I come in for landing? When will the fog clear? Only time will tell.

So the best thing to do is withdraw and wait. Rather than accept friendly help, perhaps it's best for all if I simply wait this out on my own. I wouldn't want to lose the couple concerned people. There are so few. Rather than run them off, perhaps I should suffer in silence. After all, it will go away. Won't it?